This column was originally featured on Newportri.com.
The holidays amplify everything, including joy. But for people with a mental health diagnosis, the season can bring added challenges. Depression is the most common diagnosis among our adult clients, and anxiety is the leading concern for children. The rush of seasonal messages, social pressures, and shifting routines can magnify those feelings as well.
Our team at Newport Mental Health is here to help you understand how you’re feeling now and to anticipate what’s coming in order to build resilience to carry you through the weeks and months ahead.
Children and Holiday Stress
“For children, holiday stress can result from a lack of structure, too much fun and unrealistic expectations,” says Stephanie Lujan Rickerman, Division Director of Children’s Services for Newport Mental Health. She recommends caregivers try to create a consistent schedule, even during the holidays. “Sticking to bedtimes and mealtimes is important. You can also schedule regular activities, like planning to go for a walk every day at 3 o’clock, so that the kids have a routine, and also get a break from whatever busyness is going on to enjoy some one-on-one time with you.”
The opposite experience can also be stressful. “If you’re not busy and kids are seeing other people on social media having fun, that can impact mental health,” she says. “Maybe you’re grieving over the holidays, or you don’t have a huge family to celebrate with. It’s important to help kids remember that you have each other. You could write down what went well that day and what you’re thankful for before you go to bed. Just take time with your child to reflect and reset.”
Emotions like sadness, anxiety, or loneliness can become more noticeable, especially when holiday ads and picture-perfect posts dominate our screens. If this is affecting your child, try to limit social media and have a discussion that what they’re seeing may be exaggerated. “I think the older kids have more insight into the realities of social media, but that’s still a good discussion to have when kids see something over the top,” says Rickerman. “You can also make the screen time work for you to create some family fun,” she says. “Try an activity using an app like geocaching and look for treasures together as a family.”
When does holiday stress become concerning? Reaction to stress is different for everyone, but exaggerated behavior or marked changes in behavior are signs to watch for. “You might have a quiet, introverted child, and if they just want to be alone or read a book, that’s not something to be alarmed about. But if they’re spending even more time alone, or if you have an extroverted, bubbly child and they’re hiding in their bedroom, that’s something to be concerned about.”
Other signs of stress include:
- More frequent or more volatile meltdowns
- Inability to calm down after a meltdown
- Marked irritability or tearfulness
- Lack of sleep or oversleeping
- Not eating or other dramatic changes in food intake
- Showing a lack of interest in things kids normally would be interested in
How can you help your kids handle stress? “Set your kid up for success,” says Rickerman. “If they’re a picky eater and you’re eating at someone else’s house, bring their own food and let the hosts know that you’re providing the food for them. Or maybe drive versus fly if you know your child would be overstimulated by the noise, bustle, and large numbers of people (strangers) associated with air travel. Time together in a car is a great opportunity to disconnect from devices and connect to each other. Look at your family’s needs, think ahead, and plan.”
How does a parent know it’s time to contact us? “When something changes that you feel like you can’t manage on your own, or you see something that worries you,” says Rickerman. “I want to empower families to call us and say, ‘We’re not really sure what to do.’ It’s okay to ask for help.”
Mobile Response and Stabilization Services (MRSS) is our 24/7 crisis response for children, youth, and young adults. We respond to the home, schools, after-school programs, and daycares, or anywhere you feel comfortable. MRSS is reached through our helpline, (401) 846-1213 option 1. If you are traveling out of Newport County, you can call us for a connection to a CCBHC close to you, or you can call or text 988 for help.
Adults Feel the Pressure, Too
“A lot of people feel the pressure to be happy during the holidays,” says Karen Cadwalader, Clinical Nurse Specialist in Psychiatry in private practice and a member of the Board of Directors for Newport Mental Health. “The gap between that expectation and the reality can make people feel even more sad.” Financial strain, family stress, disrupted routines, living alone or not having strong family connections, losing someone you love, are additional triggers for increased depression around the holidays.
Recognizing the signs of depression is important. “Changes in sleep patterns or appetite or energy levels, canceling plans and withdrawing from people, those are all cues that you should check in with yourself,” says Cadwalader. “Not finding joy in the things that you do is definitely an early warning sign. And remembering that depression doesn’t always look like sadness. It’s often irritability, which is probably number one, especially in parents. It can also feel like numbness, exhaustion, and fatigue.”
Reaching Out Can Help You Find Joy
If you’re worried about your feelings, you can start by giving yourself permission to do a whole lot less. “Stick to basic routines: Good sleep, eating well, and exercise are all incredible things you can do to help improve your mood,” says Cadwalader. “Getting outside or even sitting in a sunny window this time of year is also helpful. Try being gentle with yourself and reaching out to people you connect with to ask for help.”
Cadwalader cautions against just venting your emotions on social media. “Reaching out to a person should be your first step. The joy of being able to connect with somebody one-on-one, like sitting down for coffee with a friend and sharing, ‘this is all overwhelming,’ gives you the opportunity to find out if what you’re feeling is extreme or normal, and helps you better identify whether you should be asking for additional help.”
“If there aren’t people in your immediate circle that you feel comfortable talking with, that would be my number one sign to call Newport Mental Health,” says Cadwalader. “There’s nothing better than having a third party that’s not directly involved in your life to talk to about the stress of family and the stress of expectations at the holidays. The joy is that a third party is not going to be judgmental of you.”
There are other signs that you may benefit from counseling. “It’s time to call a clinical person when your feelings are getting in the way of your normal life; your ability to go to work, or get a good night’s sleep, or to engage the way you’d like to with loved ones,” says Cadwalader.
“Therapy is not easy work,” she says. “But once you do it and you unload your baggage, you feel so much better. You feel lighter and more joyful.” Just in time for the holidays.